Almost all bad shots can be blamed on the equipment.
The quickest way to improve your game is to buy new equipment.
Tiger Woods is perhaps the greatest professional golfer of all time. You can dress like Tiger, fist pump like Tiger, buy Nike clothes and equipment, and maybe even bounce a ball on a wedge like Tiger; but you will never, never play as well as Tiger. Get over it. Lower your expectations and hope you earn a name like Raccoon Jones or Junkyard Smith.
It is only acceptable to step on an opponent’s ball or otherwise impair his lie if you can do so undetected and the action will insure that you win the hole. Messing with the ball out of pure malice is totally unacceptable. This is, after all, a Gentlemen’s game.
Rain delays are a convenient break in the action that should be used to consume another adult beverage.
Foursomes, like marriages, should not be dissolved unless the new player looks like easy money.
The best cure for the Yipps is to get a new putter (see truism #2)
Computing handicaps is a fine science and should be left to computers and not your tournament manager and for God’s sake not left to yourself.
Depending on your age, birdies are better than sex and an ace can lead to cardiac arrest. Golf does have its hazards.
Withdrawal symptoms will occur immediately after the 18th hole as you review in your mind all the idiotic mistakes you made. This will only encourage you to buy new equipment and show up early next week.
Golf is a sucker’s game
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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