Scrappy Hall Of Famer - Bob Hope

Okay so he didn't play professional golf. He was never without his golf club on stage and as he said "Golf is my profession, acting just pays for the greens fees."

Here's a collection of quotes from an American treasure.

ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact � I don't feel anything until noon. Then � it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'"
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN�

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter � on a technicality.'

Golf Slice And Helmet Liners

My all time best horror story involving my big banana slice took place years ago when I was assigned to Fort McClellan, AL. As I recall, the 6th fairway on the posts’ golf course was pretty much straight away but was bordered on the right by a 20 foot slope with pine trees and shrubs growing on it. If you went over that you were OB. I discovered that day that behind those pine trees there were a series of barracks and a parade field used by the WAC basic training battalion that was stationed there.

Understand that at the time, my game was a work in progress. The three other guys I was with weren’t much better than me and that unfortunately just acerbated what was to become a memorable conversation with one of the WAC’s finest drill instructors.

So we tee off and the first two guys hit reasonable shots that land in the fairway. The third guy lets loose a mighty slice and the ball goes sailing over the trees. His second shot isn’t much better but lands on the slope rather than OB.

Now it’s my turn and I’m focusing on crushing the ball. And I do. I smashed into that ball and it went dead straight for about 190 yards and then made a right hand turn and sailed over the trees.

My second shot wasn’t as severe as the first. This one was more of a billowing graceful arc over the trees.

The third one was off the toe and had a lot of left to right spin and just shot dead right over the trees.

Now I’m not certain why none of the four of us didn’t react to all the yelling and swearing that was in the background. I guess we just thought that was part of the ambient sound on an army post. However, we did hear a crashing sound coming from the bushes and then this short, fat female Staff Sergeant wearing one of those silly Australian cowboy hats that the WAC Drill Instructors wear came grinding up the fairway at us like an Abrams tank.

At any rate, when she got to us she expressed her explicit displeasure of having golf balls rain down on her company formation. Fortunately, the uniform of the day for her troops included helmet liners so there was no serious damage.

A slice can be a dangerous thing.