Bush Smith End Of Summer Blowout

Goodbye Summer and your temperature in the low 80s.  Hello Fall with your temperatures in the mid 70s.  This is Los Angeles after all.  Our group let off a little steam to celebrate the changing of the seasons. 

Scrappy Hall Of Famer - Bob Hope

Okay so he didn't play professional golf. He was never without his golf club on stage and as he said "Golf is my profession, acting just pays for the greens fees."

Here's a collection of quotes from an American treasure.

ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact � I don't feel anything until noon. Then � it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'"
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN�

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter � on a technicality.'

Golf Slice And Helmet Liners

My all time best horror story involving my big banana slice took place years ago when I was assigned to Fort McClellan, AL. As I recall, the 6th fairway on the posts’ golf course was pretty much straight away but was bordered on the right by a 20 foot slope with pine trees and shrubs growing on it. If you went over that you were OB. I discovered that day that behind those pine trees there were a series of barracks and a parade field used by the WAC basic training battalion that was stationed there.

Understand that at the time, my game was a work in progress. The three other guys I was with weren’t much better than me and that unfortunately just acerbated what was to become a memorable conversation with one of the WAC’s finest drill instructors.

So we tee off and the first two guys hit reasonable shots that land in the fairway. The third guy lets loose a mighty slice and the ball goes sailing over the trees. His second shot isn’t much better but lands on the slope rather than OB.

Now it’s my turn and I’m focusing on crushing the ball. And I do. I smashed into that ball and it went dead straight for about 190 yards and then made a right hand turn and sailed over the trees.

My second shot wasn’t as severe as the first. This one was more of a billowing graceful arc over the trees.

The third one was off the toe and had a lot of left to right spin and just shot dead right over the trees.

Now I’m not certain why none of the four of us didn’t react to all the yelling and swearing that was in the background. I guess we just thought that was part of the ambient sound on an army post. However, we did hear a crashing sound coming from the bushes and then this short, fat female Staff Sergeant wearing one of those silly Australian cowboy hats that the WAC Drill Instructors wear came grinding up the fairway at us like an Abrams tank.

At any rate, when she got to us she expressed her explicit displeasure of having golf balls rain down on her company formation. Fortunately, the uniform of the day for her troops included helmet liners so there was no serious damage.

A slice can be a dangerous thing.

Bush Smith Golf Gurus

I downloaded a new toy the other day called PhotoStory 3 that lets you make videos without a camera. So I tested it out using pics from my golf buddies. Hopefully this will not go viral as if it does, the INS might snatch up a couple of the Brits.

You can grab this software for free at http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/using/digitalphotography/photostory/default.mspx and make your own embarassing video. Heck maybe we could make a golf blogger site with nothing but blogger videos.

Scrappy Hall of Famers - Chi Chi Rodriguez

Notice the title says Scrappy Hall of Famers and not just Hall of Famers. I thought I'd do a few tributes to guys who maybe were not destined to be golfers but who became pros just the same and either influenced the game or were big crowd pleasers. Why not start with the first pro I ever saw, Chi Chi Rodriguez.

As a kid, and I'm talking like 6 years old, Chi Chi switched from working in the cane fields to working at the local golf course; not because of his love of golf but because it paid more. He eventually became a caddy and that's when the bug bit him.

By age 16, Rodriguez was setting course records, and at 17 he finished second in the Puerto Rico Open. Following a 2-year stint in the U.S. Army, Rodriguez began working at Dorado Beach Resort and came under the tutelage of former touring pro Pete Cooper. Cooper mentored Chi Chi's game, and then, with financial backing from resort investor Laurence Rockefeller, Rodriguez began playing the PGA Tour in 1960.

And that's when I saw him. He played in the Eastern Open at Mount Pleasant GC in Baltimore. My Dad took me and we wound up following this little Puerto Rican rookie because he was a great showman. I don't remember who won the tournament, all I remember is Chi Chi chit chatting with the gallery while most of the others ignored us.

I can not remember who he was paired with other than his first name was Doug and he was also the gregarious type so they made a great team. However I think Dougs wit was the result of whatever was in the thermos he kept drinking from.

Over 20 years Chi Chi only won 8 tournaments in the PGA. Yet his putter sword dance, his trademark straw hat, and his Yogi Berra like quotes kept him a favorite with the crowd.

Chi Chi Rodriguez: "Sure, I'm making a lot of money now, but years ago the IRS would send me get-well cards."

Chi Chi Rodriguez: "I've heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking. See, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt."

Chi Chi Rodriguez: "I never exaggerate. I just remember big."

Chi Chi found his stride when he started playing in the Senior Tournaments winning 22. But you had to love him most when he played skins. First of all I love that format and I wish they could wire all the golfers like that. But it was really obvious that Chi Chi loved winning at skins just like a regular guy. And I guess that was a lot of his appeal. Everyone could relate to him.

So hats off to an old Duffer who has the questionable honor of being the first inducted into the Scrappy Hall of Fame.

Trump National vs. Westchester. Is it really worth $277 more?

The Donald owns a golf course about 10 minutes and several tax brackets from where I live in San Pedro, CA. Trump National Los Angeles actually started out as Ocean Trails, a Pete Dye course, and was scheduled to open in 1999. Unfortunately one of the greens slid into the ocean raising the question of just how stable this golf course on a cliff really is.

Ocean Trails was owned by a couple of brothers who weren't so much interested in the golf course as they were in peddling the multimillion dollar homes they planned to build around it. When the course took a header into the deep blue so did the brother's plans to develop the area.

Trump snatched it up and had plans to not only build homes but a golf destination hotel as well. Rancho Palos Verdes, the berg that the course has the unfortunate luck of residing in, is not impressed with the Donald or anyone else who brings in the unwashed public or attempts to block an ocean view. As a result, the relationship between the two has been less than friendly. The city sued the Donald because his American flag was too big; because he planted the wrong kind of trees: because he didn't provide enough foot paths for the public and on and on.

Donald prevailed and in 2002 opened the course declaring it ready for a pro tournament. That September they did in fact have a LPGA event. That is also the last professional event that has been played there. September can be a pretty tricky time along the ocean front. When the tournament was delayed twice for fog and the players complained of freezing to death in that clammy white moisture, I'm pretty sure the LPGA crossed the course off their list of favorite venues.

My wife and I first visited the club a few years back to get a Sunday lunch. They have tables set up outside overlooking the ninth hole. The first thing I noticed was God this place is beautiful. I mean it would be beautiful with or without the golf course but it had been some time since I actually got out of my car and made my way down to the cliffs.

The second thing I noticed was there weren't many people eating lunch. Maybe a dozen.

The most lasting thing I noticed was there wasn't anyone playing golf. We were there for an hour and saw a twosome and a single during that entire time.

It was a beautiful sunny Sunday and nobody was playing. So what was wrong with this course? Maybe it was the $300 greens fee! Note to Donald: the only way people who live near your course are only going to pay $300 is if the course is located in Hawaii.

I actually have played Trump once. They had a special during reseeding and you could play a round for $140. Everything about the place is so pretentious except for the people. They have to hire their starters, ground crew, waiters etc locally and the folks in San Pedro and the South Bay just are way to laid back to be pretentious.

The course is beautiful. Ocean views from every hole. No trees but really nasty tall rough. And like Sergio said about the Masters, it's tricky.

On the first hole I hit a monster drive down the left (non-ocean) side and landed 118 yds from the green. The view from the fairway to the first green is pretty intimidating. The green is elevated, protected in the front with a massive bunker and in the back is a cliff wall with a waterfall. What you can't see is a little stream that runs directly in front of the green.

The GPS (which was mounted on the cart and parked on the path because of reseeding) said 118 yds so I figured about 124. That's an 8 iron for me. I hit a second beautiful shot exactly at the pin. I'm thinking I'm gonna have a great round. I couldn't see it land because I was below the green and when I got up there I couldn't see the ball.

The reason I couldn't see the ball was because only the top half of it was showing in the rough next to the stream. I had plugged it. I took a mighty swing which spayed mud all over my shirt and moved the ball about 7 inches to the right. Net result is I came away with the first of many double bogies.

It is a beautiful course, and given that we were the only people on it for half the game, it went quickly. I'd like to play it again but $300?

My regular course is Westchester located next to LAX. It's an oddball 15 hole course owned by the airport and operated by American Golf. There are no ocean views, however there is a nice view of runway 25L on the 12th hole. There is no rambling stream, just a pond in front of number 2 which is the home of a flock of attack geese. There are no draught resit ant plants and grass, consequently every place you land during the summer is a tight lie. Just like Saint Andrews?

So why play this little course? And why do sooo many people play it on the weekend? I really don't have a clue. I play there because I know the people and they know me. I play there because my friends play there. I play there because it cost $23 a round. Perhaps more importantly, I play there because we have a standing tee time.

So that brings me back to Trump. What did I get for the $277 more than it cost for Westchester. Was it the ocean views, was it the GPS that I couldn't use cause the cart was always on the path, was it the prestige of playing a Trump course? I'm thinking I could have played Westchester 10 times for the difference in fees.

Note to Donald: my pain threshold is $50. If you can get me and my guys guaranteed tee times for Saturday morning I will encourage them to switch. That would be about $1500 per Saturday (including beer purchases) and you'd have to give us the same deferential treatment we get from Westchester. Yes we're a bit rowdy and not the best dressers, but think of it as getting back at those snobs in Rancho Palos Verde.

This offer is good for five days.

I'm waiting Donald.

Golf - The One That Got Away

I think the last time I went fishing was with my Dad when I was 12 years old so that would be about 50 years ago. Fishing to me consisted pretty much of standing on a bank getting eaten by mosquitoes and watching the copperheads slither into the water. Fishing pretty much sucked.

While I didn't fish after that I did hang around some fishermen and it seems they all have a story about the one that got away. Depending on what species of fish they were going after, the one that got away could range from a 2 foot catfish to Moby Dick. These stories are obviously pure fabrication but they are acceptable and almost expected among the brotherhood of fishermen.

Golf on the other hand, is a Gentleman's Sport where prevarications (big word huh?) are not welcome. If a golfer's story doesn't exactly ring true, it's not a lie, it's just that the game tends to muddy up short term and long term memory.

This past Saturday we had finished up and I was tallying the scores and figuring out who won what skins. My buddy Dave shot an even par 52. That was the first time he's shot par in the two years we have been playing together. He thought he had a handicap of 7 so he was pretty sure he would win the low net game our group has. It became my duty, as the keeper of the handicaps, to let Dave know he was a 5 not a 7.

"What?? How could I be a 5? I haven't shot under 6 over in 5 years. You're crazy. Somethings wrong with that handicap!"

I used to get upset when people would go off like that. I used to take the time to explain that the handicap is based on the two best scores out of the last ten but then I just gave up. Now I give them a card with my Pay Pal email address and tell them for $20 I will do an exhaustive analysis of their handicap standing. Nobody has taken me up on it.

So while Dave is ranting about his handicap the next group arrives and Danny, a 1 handicap complains that he missed 3 birdie putts by inches. By the time the next group arrives, Danny's three birdie misses has grown to four birdie misses. Russ, a 17 handicap chimes in that he missed 8 birdie putts on the par 4s but goes on to explain that his third shot was typically from the fairway and it's really tough to read the green when you're that far away.

Not to be outdone, my nemesis Chris Johnson walks up to me and wants to know if that was me on number eleven (referring to our closest to the pin game). So I tell him "yeah that's me." He then tells me he missed beating me by an inch and a half. Notice he didn't say that I beat him by an inch and a half but he just missed beating me. I told him to go talk to Danny about his birdies.

I'm sitting there imagining about all these amazing games these guys almost played when Tad, our resident Japanese hustler, comes up to me and says "Chris, you got me trouble with wife!" With his wife? I don't keep her handicap.

"You put that post on website about Reginia want to chat with me."

Ah yes Reginia. Several weeks ago Reginia Gillepsi joined our golf site as a member. Her photo is like one of those Russian Emo girls. When Tad first saw her on the site he said "Chris, you got send message to her. Find out why she member." I told Tad to send her a message himself.

However I did do some research and Googled her name and found her on some site about Michael Jackson. Turns out she promises that you will really enjoy her videos if you just email her. My guess is Reginia is really an old overweight bald white guy trying to make a buck from porn.

So I went to our site and left the message "Tad, Reginia says she wants to chat with you." Apparently Mrs Itow was not pleased with the idea.

And so what does any of this have to do with golf. Nothing except that as much enjoyment we get from actually playing the game, it really doesn't compare to describing it to others with your own editorial spin. The fact that guys can lie to each other and nobody gets offended is proof that Golf should become a mainstay in this nation's diplomatic efforts.

Can't you just see Hillary and Obama playing a foursome with Ahmadinejad and Netanyahu. Wouldn't it be nice if Kim il Sung took a break from building nuclear weapons, put on some plaid pants and those enormous black sunglasses, grabbed his "Hammer" driver and hit the links? Let the game humble the world leaders a bit and maybe we can find a way to co-exist. Hmm, maybe I should submit this entry to the Nobel committee.