Anticipation Is Keeping Me Waiting

For a variety of reasons I have not been able to play golf in the last four months.  Tomorrow is the big day.  Tomorrow I go out and meet good friends that I haven't seen face to face in almost 16 weeks.  Tomorrow I go out and play 18 holes, a real big difference seeing how the course only had 15 the last time I teed up.  Tomorrow I will probably lose my ass in the skins game.

Anticipation 

I practiced chipping in the back yard today and was pleased to see that my short game hasn't completely left me.  Maybe I can talk them into play "best ball".  I am so looking forward to it.  I can't remember the last time that I picked out what I was going to wear to the course earlier than the same morning I left.  I have plan A and Plan B laying out on the spare bed.  I guess I'll make that fashion decision based on the temperature Saturday morning.

I Just want to tee it up and do well.

Anticipation.  Sing It Carly

Say It Ain't So Joe...er..ah..I Mean Mr. Woods

When this whole Tiger banging story broke I was absolutely certain that Tiger was being had by some money grubbing bimbo who got bumped from the State Dinner guest list by Tareq Salahi and just wanted her 15 minutes of fame.

But then she went and hired Gloria Allred. Uh oh. Gloria does not mess around. I can't stand her but if I ever get in a jam I'm going to make sure it's something that will generate a lot of publicity cause then I can get Gloria for free. Remember OctoMom? Last story about her was they were going to lock her up for child endangerment. Not a chance of that with Gloria riding legal shotgun.

But back to Tiger. Here is this guy with an amazing talent, an otherworldly ability to focus, every moment of his life seemingly planned down to the second and we are supposed to believe he's messing around with a hostess at a club...and a waitress in a Vegas bar...and a porn star...and, well the list goes on.

At last count I think there were 13 bimbos claiming to have banged the Woodster.

And you know what? I believe most of them. I didn't at first but I do now. I don't know if that's just the power of the media or if I came to that decision rationally. But let's assume for a moment that it's true.

Wilt Chamberlain wrote a book and talked about bedding literally 100s of women during his phenomenal career in basketball. The sport didn't suffer. Magic Johnson messed around until he came down with that nasty case of AIDS. And of course Kobe did the maid in Colorado. Nobody remembers any of that.

But hey, they're all basketball players so it doesn't count.

What happens when Woods drops out of golf for a year? Will viewership go down? Will purses dwindle? Will the First Tee add some new ideas on moral conduct? Will Lefty win some tournaments? Will Sergio start dating waitresses?

As much as I admire the guy's golf accomplishments, his major screw up and his display of absolutely horrible taste in women, are going to hurt the game short term. You can't compare him to Nicholas and Palmer in any way other than statistics. Where before all three were patron saints for the game, now we're back to two and they aren't exactly contemporary.

I don't know if I can take anymore jock shocks. I mean if mister clean is banging bimbos, the next thing you know is Barry Bonds will start taking steroids!

Oh Shoeless Joe. If only these modern athletes would just cheat on the game and leave it at that.

A Tribute To Tiger

And all of his Bimbos!

This Silly Little Golf Ball

If you look down the left hand side of the blog you'll see a widget called Feedjit. Basically this is just a fun tool that shows who came to visit and how they got here ie direct or through a search. Guess what is the biggest draw to this blog? It's that silly little marked up golf ball in the photo.

I did a story several months ago about another blog that was having a ball marking contest so I took out a couple of sharpies and decorated an old Nike practice ball. For some reason, there are a lot of people searching for ball marking.

I mean how difficult is it? Granted the ball in the picture is fine art compared to how most of us mark a ball; but just how tough is it to put two or three dots on the face of a ball. You have to Google it to get instructions?

The second biggest draw from Google is Westchester Golf Course here near LAX. They are finally adding back in the three holes they cut out for a road expansion 8 years ago. So I get a bunch of hits based on Westchester expansion. Once that's done I'll probably lose a third of my traffic.

The runner up, and this really is weird, is a search for "how you gonna have a dream come true". Again I did an article based on that song from South Pacific and apparently there are a lot of people rediscovering it.


The internet is a strange place.

Bush Smith End Of Summer Blowout

Goodbye Summer and your temperature in the low 80s.  Hello Fall with your temperatures in the mid 70s.  This is Los Angeles after all.  Our group let off a little steam to celebrate the changing of the seasons. 

Scrappy Hall Of Famer - Bob Hope

Okay so he didn't play professional golf. He was never without his golf club on stage and as he said "Golf is my profession, acting just pays for the greens fees."

Here's a collection of quotes from an American treasure.

ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact � I don't feel anything until noon. Then � it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

' I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'"
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN�

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter � on a technicality.'

Golf Slice And Helmet Liners

My all time best horror story involving my big banana slice took place years ago when I was assigned to Fort McClellan, AL. As I recall, the 6th fairway on the posts’ golf course was pretty much straight away but was bordered on the right by a 20 foot slope with pine trees and shrubs growing on it. If you went over that you were OB. I discovered that day that behind those pine trees there were a series of barracks and a parade field used by the WAC basic training battalion that was stationed there.

Understand that at the time, my game was a work in progress. The three other guys I was with weren’t much better than me and that unfortunately just acerbated what was to become a memorable conversation with one of the WAC’s finest drill instructors.

So we tee off and the first two guys hit reasonable shots that land in the fairway. The third guy lets loose a mighty slice and the ball goes sailing over the trees. His second shot isn’t much better but lands on the slope rather than OB.

Now it’s my turn and I’m focusing on crushing the ball. And I do. I smashed into that ball and it went dead straight for about 190 yards and then made a right hand turn and sailed over the trees.

My second shot wasn’t as severe as the first. This one was more of a billowing graceful arc over the trees.

The third one was off the toe and had a lot of left to right spin and just shot dead right over the trees.

Now I’m not certain why none of the four of us didn’t react to all the yelling and swearing that was in the background. I guess we just thought that was part of the ambient sound on an army post. However, we did hear a crashing sound coming from the bushes and then this short, fat female Staff Sergeant wearing one of those silly Australian cowboy hats that the WAC Drill Instructors wear came grinding up the fairway at us like an Abrams tank.

At any rate, when she got to us she expressed her explicit displeasure of having golf balls rain down on her company formation. Fortunately, the uniform of the day for her troops included helmet liners so there was no serious damage.

A slice can be a dangerous thing.